I didn’t quite understand why the same crappy things kept happening to me. The same things kept repeating themselves. It wasn’t until I attended a Tony Robbins seminar. He was going through the concept of “Your Primary Question” and it all seemed to click. I finally understood how I was viewing the world and how wrong I had it.
What I discovered was that in order to me to receive love, I thought I had to “be a good girl and work really hard” if I just did that, then they would all love me! Up until this point (and much later in time as well, as it turns out) I had been working my butt off. I worked around the clock so I was busy all the time, stressed out, highly caffeinated 24/7, constantly reactive, in so much physical pain and caught up in my work and professional identity that I never allowed love to actually enter in my life.
Even if love had arrived smack in my face, I would do everything in my power to avoid it by working even harder – because I thought if I just work hard then there would be love. And on top of that I was so confused why I didn’t feel loved and got mixed signals at the end of the day! I was craving real love in my life and I thought by working hard I would get that, but all it did was cover up the pain of feeling unloved.
Then The Real Work Begins!
In case you haven’t realized it yet, but this is when the real work began. After my “AHA” moment needless to say things did not turn into a Hollywood fairy tale. No, this was going to be real hard work. I started reading everything I could, I listened to people much smarter than me, I invited lessons into my life (never do that unless you’re 100% committed to the growth – just a tip…).
So while I kept working and pretending everything was fine, I spent all the time when I wasn’t working on learning everything I could about the human brain, spirituality and psychology. Asking questions like “why we do the things we do?” and Google searching things like “what to do to get the things we want” and “how to figure out what I want in the first place”.